EMERGENCY ROOMS, SALADS, AND EXCEPTIONS

So here we are, sitting in my car trying to figure out what to do about my date.  Panicked, influenced by friends, and in a hurry, I invited him to come to the Emergency Room with us and to everyone's surprise, he said okay.  I picked him up from his car and he hopped right in.  All I could think was, oh hello, it is going to be you.  You are for sure a keeper.

After a few hours in the ER and I was hooked.  Like really really hooked.  I wanted to know about his family and what his childhood was like.  I wanted to hear his laugh to be the soundtrack of my life.  I wanted to break down on the side of the road so he could be the one to rescue me.  I wanted to be chased by some creature through the woods so he could protect me.  I wanted to find my way into his heart.

We were able to make it to dinner after everything was sorted out. (No worries, my teammate's hand is perfectly fine now, my heart? Not so much.)  Have you ever heard the saying that no great story ever starts with eating a salad? Well, once again, he and I are the exception.  I, naturally, ordered buffalo chicken because that is one of my five major food groups.  He on the other hand, ordered a salad.  Yes, a salad.  He has since told me that he wanted to make a good first date impression but honestly, he could have ordered anything and I would have still been enthralled.

At the end of the date, he was a complete gentleman and walked me up to my room.  For those of you that know, you must be escorted around the building I lived in at the time so I was apprehensive about the situation.  Once he kissed me goodbye though, every worry disappeared.  A single peck and my head was exploding with fireworks. The end of the date for me was perfect however, I have come to learn that on his sneak out of my dorm he was stopped by the student at the desk.  He was questioned over and over but all he replied with was, "I just walked a girl upstairs after our first date.  You are not going to ruin it and make me go get her."  It worked.  The universe made another exception on our behalf, something that would begin to happen often.

FINDING NEMO

The snow really began to fall once I got back from class so I thought it would be a brilliant idea to go get snowed in at my teammate's dorm.  We sat and dilly dallied for a while and came up with another brilliant idea, bunk beds.  We decided to bunk their beds because who doesn't want more room for activities?  After a long debacle of stacking the beds wrong and leaving no room for the bottom bunk, we figured it out and we were practically delirious.  Clearly, that meant it was the best time to Facebook message my crush.  That's right, you read that correctly, Facebook message.

I then sent a line to him that I have yet to live down, "So likkkeeee let's be friends."  Exact quote right there, no joke.  Thankfully, he responded in the best way saying he thought I would never ask.  The rest is history.  Haha kidding.  We both ended up snowed in because of the blizzard that hit, Nemo.  Saturday came and I found out that my meet was cancelled because, although the roads in Providence would be cleared, the other teams could not make it to Rhode Island.  At this point, we had exchanged numbers and he said that we should still meet up and go out on Sunday.  I died-then obviously said yes.

The only thing standing in between the me and going on this date was shoveling my car out of the parking lot.  Except, first, I had to find it.  My teammates and I ventured out into the waist deep snow to find my little car.  Twenty-five minutes later, we were able to locate it under a heap of snow.  With help from the girls and my RA, we were able to get it out in a little over an hour.

With the mess behind us and our bodies defrosted, we woke up Sunday morning to sunshine.  I was as happy as a seagull with a hoagie, it was date day!  For some reason though, when my teammate woke up, her body didn't completely thaw and I got a phone call that I had to take her to the emergency room.  The emergency room?  But it was date day!!

FROM INSIDE MY INSTAGRAM | ONE

It's easy to feel invisible in a world with over 7 billion people. It's easy to think you aren't seen or heard. It's easy to get lost in the everyday commotion. But, I'm here to tell you that You are noticed. You may be heart-broken or hanging at the end of your rope but I will help you bandage your heart and I will tie a knot at the end of your rope so you can hang on. I will help you be kind to yourself. I'm here to tell you that I see your sparkling eyes and hear your soft-spoken words. The only thing I want you to think is invisible is the wind.

MAGIC

"Above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places.  Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." Roald Dahl

This is important. 

You are going to live in your own mind for the rest of your life.  You need to make sure it is open.  Open to others and their opinions.  Open to seeing things differently and seeing people differently.  Your mind needs to be open to having faith in yourself and other people because that faith, is magic.

Not only should your mind be open, but it should be curious.  You should want to discover each and every crevice of this world.  Explore the possibilities that life has handed to you and search for the secrets it's hiding.  For those secrets, they are magic.

Make sure your mind is also alert.  For one day, it will no longer be able to watch the world as it carries on around you.  Soak in all the magnificence while you can because eventually, that will be all you are left with.  Those memories, they are magic.

SINGLE AND FAILING TO MINGLE

The child in me was giddy.  I could not believe his body was next to mine somewhere other than my dreams.  I started creating scenarios inside my imagination of what the future might hold.  I was suddenly snapped out of my own thoughts when the professor called out, "Caitlin James."

I nearly choked on his words.  My peers immediately started oohing and ahhing.  I quickly shot my hand up and said, "I'm here! But it is Caitlin Elliott."  I was as red as a scorching sunset on a hot summer night.  Lucky for me, when I glanced in his direction, he didn't seem to mind that the professor just practically announced us as husband and wife. 

I probably shouldn't get ahead of myself though.  We still had a three hour class ahead of us to speak to each other.  PSA:  we probably only said about 30 words to each other.  I could not remember how to flirt or even speak to the opposite sex.  I had been in a relationship for two and a half years and suddenly I was single and failing to mingle.  All I could think was that I had to get my shit together if I wanted to make this man mine.  

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Fast forward two or three weeks and we were sitting in class working on an assignment.  My usual ride home was finishing up but said that he wouldn't be done for another thirty minutes.  I knew that sounded suspicious but I wasn't going to rush him just so I wouldn't have to shuffle the five minutes back to my dorm.  I dramatically decided to wait for the shuttle by the door and knew that my handsome friend would have to walk by and see me (#sneaky).  How could a such a polite person walk by poor little me who is about to trek through the snow?  He couldn't, obviously, so the plan was a success. 

He walked out of class and saw me waiting for the shuttle and asked if I needed a ride.  I jumped at the chance and hopped into his car.  At this point he definitely wasn't a stranger and he wasn't luring me with candy so I figured it would be fine.  He knew I was on the gymnastics team and asked me about the upcoming meet.  To my surprise, he already knew it was at Brown on Sunday and internally, I was squealing.  

He pulled up to my dorm and I was gathering my belongings.  He looked me right in the eye and said, "See you Sunday."  My jaw laid on the sidewalk as he sped away leaving me in a cloud of angst and yearning for more.

JUST LOVE

I love holidays.  Each one brings a different emotion, awareness, and meaning to the day.  Whether it's Christmas or Groundhog Day, there is still something to be excited about.

A personal favorite would have to be the holiday that celebrates the special man in my life.  The one that has never let me down.  He will pick me up when I am out with friends and need a ride at 2am.  He may not always be in the same state as I am but I can always count on him to answer his phone.  He was at every gymnastics meet he could be at and he has never stood me up for a date.  This man lends me money when I need it (I have a terrible habit of leaving my wallet in the car) and he always pays for dinner.  He has seen me at my best and at my worse and you bet he still loves me unconditionally.

I can almost guarantee that you all assumed I was speaking of Father's Day.  It's funny how a description of a holiday can be so closely related to another yet people bash one and not the other.  Yes, that's right.  I am speaking about Valentine's Day.  You could also change out those pronouns in the paragraph above and I could be speaking of Mother's Day.  That's the thing.  Valentine's Day is supposed to be about someone you love just as Mother's and Father's Day are.  They are essentially all the same and putting down Valentine's Day will not change the way the rest of the world celebrates it.  I know you all are questioning why I am comparing these right now so I am going to dive into this unpopular opinion. 

I no longer cherish Father's Day the way I do Valentine's Day because I simply have no reason to.  If you have been keeping up, you are aware that my father passed away when I was ten.  Since then, I have also lost both of my grandfathers.  However, you will not find me disapproving those people who celebrate Father's Day or telling my friends that it is a meaningless holiday.  I choose to spend Father's Day how I do every other day of the year and that is okay.  I challenge you all to look at Valentine's Day the same way.  Just because you are single, it does not mean that you are suddenly entitled to calling the holiday and those who partake in it foolish.  Some of us cherish this holiday because we do not get to celebrate other "Hallmark Holidays" the way they are supposed to be honored.

So, while I celebrate the one I love this February 14th, you can either go about your day or you could try celebrating the love you have for yourself, your family, and your friends.  No whining, no social media rants, no bad mouthing, just love. If you disagree, that's fine, but remember when Father's and Mother's Day roll around, some of us do not have the privilege of enjoying those holidays as much as you do.

FORGET HEARTS, WE WEAR OUR STRENGTH

People who wear their strength on their sleeve are the best type of people.  They know what they want and go after it.  Everyone knows that they have been through hell and that is the brilliancy of it.  They went through hell and didn't drown down there.  They made it out alive and have the scars to prove it.  There is no holding these types of people down.  There is no holding Jordan down.

The bravery I have acquired over the last year has to give some credit to Jordan.  She does not let obstacles hold her back and I think that is why I am so enamored by her.  The ability that Jordan has to make others feel important is admirable.  You will never feel hopeless by her side.

People like her are so important in today's world where you can be so easily torn down.  Feeling hopeless is something that no one should feel.  It is so refreshing to know that Jordan is out there in the world making a difference in all of our lives. Go be a Jordan, y'all.

A DAUGHTER'S FIRST HEARTBREAK

One day I’ll have a daughter and it’s strange to think that you will be the heartbreak I console her with.  I’ll tell her that her heart will stop bleeding and she will stop crying into his sweatshirt one day while I brush his smell out of her hair.  I will tell her that you were the boy that broke me but I was able to fix myself.  I will try to make sure she consumes more than just the voicemails from him and I’ll try to replace his hugs with mine.  We will spend countless days making new memories and try to leave behind theirs because we all know, she won’t forget.  I will tell her that one day she will stop checking the weather where you are.  I will tell her that even though she is engulfed in heartbreak, one day she will be surrounded by love; a love so great that the one that destroyed her will become just be a twinkle in her eye as she fixes her own daughter’s first heart break.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Sometimes life will find you sitting alone at a restaurant and you need to remember to be kind to yourself.  It will be better than that time you ate lunch in the bathroom in seventh grade.  

Sometimes life will throw rocks at you and knock you down but you need to remember to be kind to yourself.  It will be better than the time those girls threw nasty words in your face.

Sometimes life will leave you in the dark to find your way on your own but you need to remember to be kind to yourself.  It will be those times, when you are alone in the dark, that you will find who you want to be.

LAND MERMAID

Have you ever met a land mermaid?  They have the longest hair and even longer legs.  They can make heads turn and hearts ache.  They have an unwavering ability to make you feel like every day is Christmas.  Lucky for me, Kerri is a land mermaid.

Anyone that knows me knows about this girl.  We call each other cousins (even though we're not), best friends, and pain in the ass.  We have known each other since they day she was born and I know I wouldn't survive on this Earth without her.

She's the type of girl that will get stuck in the middle of a summer rainstorm and enjoy it.  No panic involved.  She will always be up for a beach day even when the sun is hiding and the breeze is bitter.  We can sit in silence or binge watch an entire season of One Tree Hill together and still say we are having fun.  We both will never know what it is like to experience a runner's high because we would much rather curl up on the couch and we are totally okay with that.  We can spend hours laughing, arms flailing, tears rolling down our faces, and will have no idea why.  Kerri is the friend that my sister always warns new guys in my life about.  She says to be aware of us together because craziness will arise and weirdness will roam free.

She gets me and truthfully, that is all I can really ask for in a friend.